Last week I quit this blog. I had had it, with a lot of things. I thought I was wearing my heart on my sleeve too much and nobody really gave a shit on what I felt, talked about or shared.
After breaking up with my blog, at first I had the ‘good, I don’t need THAT’ feeling. Slowly…and with a good bit of stubborn reluctance, I realized something. I DO need it. Not for confirmation, not for the ‘oh wow, that thing you are making is so cool’ comments, I need it for me. It’s an outlet, albeit a small one for all the randomness that permeates my brain.
Even though I hold back….a LOT mind you….there is something slightly satisfying to me about put words down to print. Those few e-mails I have had from people telling me that my words mean something to them as well, that is just the icing on the cake. I am here solely for me. (Well, maybe just a tiny bit for you too.)
As much as I am a self-proclaimed Yogi, I have been lax in my own attempts at living in the moment. I am finding myself constantly fast-forwarding to an unforeseen future, then at other times dwelling in a ‘what’s the point’ past.
My yoga has been terrible, I am rushing through these perfect motions that I know so very well, and thinking about the next thing I need to do, which is entirely missing the point.
Today, for a small while, I slowed down. I paused in the motions, I felt my body, what is was feeling ‘in that moment’…and it was beautiful. I felt the uncomfortableness, the ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’, and I worked through it.
I found my breathe again.
I was reminded again, very poignantly, that at every moment, of every day – if you stop, for even but a moment, you will see the amazing beauty, frailty, incredibleness and humanity that is THIS life, the only one that we know thus far….and it will either break you, consume you, enthrall you, or do any or all of the above.
May you never lose that. May you always keep on going, even when the world, the winds, your own self tell you that you shouldn’t. Keep doing what you do. I firmly believe that the smallest ripples do create the biggest waves.
Hey, YOU – go and fucking DO IT!!! Don’t make me come on over there!
Be well friends. I need you more than I might like to admit.
Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley
Dirt & Bugs
Walk into my garden, leave your shoes behind
They have no place in this little corner of my mind
Join me and sit, right there in the dirt
Feel it between your toes as I lift up my skirt
My scabbed knees are of no mind as I sit cross-legged, feet apart
Ladylike in most ways but still a tomboy at heart
Tell me your secrets, do not be afraid
For here you won’t find judgment, here you are on display
For you are my Friend, a term not lightly given
Deservedly so, for your life has been well lived in
My eyes gaze into yours and inside you know that they see you
The Real You, they hug your soul with a kindness that is true
Let’s flick off the bugs and eat all of the peas
Let’s stay here until it gets dark, as long as we please
Laughing and crying, joking and trying
To simply be together, the time is of no matter
Just bring yourself here and you’ll see
I’ll reflect you and you’ll give yourself to me.